I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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