Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
