And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
