Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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