Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
