Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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