i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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