Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
