Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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