I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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