I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
