Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I think I sprained my soul last night
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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