So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
