people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
