I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Randomize
