Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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