Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
