I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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