who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
