1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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