Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
