i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
