shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
