Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
