no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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