My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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