Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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