Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I have aggressive nipples.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
