Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
They are going to name an STD after you.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
