Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize