I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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