It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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