Me too!
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
