Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
