I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
True strength comes from lack of pants
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
