'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
