shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
my mouth tastes like poor choices
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Sext me about skeletons
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
