Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
