dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
