i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
