If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
