the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
