On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Vodka?
Forever.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
