I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
