I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Randomize