Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Is it penis luge time yet?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
