Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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