what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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