Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
