my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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