did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize