Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
