Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
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