Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize