how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Randomize
