Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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