Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
