I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
