OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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