I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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