Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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