Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
