I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
