did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
