When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize