went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I love having hate sex.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
