I think I died a long time ago.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
