I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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