guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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