I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize