Your face is a jimmy john
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
