In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
