The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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