i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
