went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
