Have you finally orgasmed yet?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
