i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
