he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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