worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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