so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize